What do you do when your job is to write, but you have no inspiration?
I guess a life update.
I am more than halfway done with my fall semester in my sophomore year at Emerson College. This is my first semester as a Writing, Literature, and Publishing major, and I definitely have made the right idea by switching majors. Last year, I was a film major, and wow was it a drag. I love movies, but making movies is not for me.
One of the cons of this major switch, however, is my lack of time to do anything. One of my literature classes requires that I read a new novel every week, and although I’ve read some novels that I now love, such as Kindred by Octavia Butler and Mama Day by Gloria Naylor, I have had no time to read on my own. My copy of The Shining lays neglected on my desk, still on the page I was on when I moved in back in August. My need to write critical essays and responses to novels in order to maintain my grade point average has overcome my desire to write poetry, blog posts, and journal entries. My black Moleskin journal sits on a pile just on top of The Shining, with most of the entries being from when I would have breakdowns, instead of just as a log of my life.
But I love my classes. I’m spending an entire semester studying Frankenstein in one of my classes, which is one of my favorite novels. I should be writing a critical essay on Frankenstein instead of writing this blog post, but it’s alright; I have until the end of the week for that. I am taking a class called Narrating the Black Atlantic, which is a literature class that reads novels by Black authors about Black characters, and growing up in a predominately white town and reading predominately white novels, it’s fascinating. I’m learning a lot from that class, and I’m grateful to be taking it despite how often I’m cursing about the amount of reading I have. I’m finally taking a poetry class, and it’s making me learn that people who teach poetry do not necessarily know a lot about poetry, but students who take poetry classes are more than willing to help and be constructive. And my sign language class is the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’m excited to learn more about the language.
I have a job. I have a boyfriend. I have really great friends. I’m happy, I’m (mostly) healthy, and I’m functioning. I’m really excited to go home during Thanksgiving break and see my kitten. All normal things.
The only major hiccup I’ve had has been this past weekend. I was on the train back from Salem, and my train hit someone. I was so scared. My train was stopped in Lynn, Massachusetts, and the power went out. They evacuated all of us, and someone who worked on the train told us what happened even though he wasn’t supposed to. Whenever I spoke my voice sounded weird, I thought I was going to throw up, I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t cry. I got an Uber from Lynn back to Boston, and the entire time I sat in silence, my friends barely talking around me. When I got back into my dorm, I locked myself in my room, hugged my boyfriend, FaceTimed my mom, and broke down crying. I was crying on and off for around two hours, unable to cope with what had happened. I later found out that the man survived with “serious but non-life threatening” injuries.
However, today I found out that he succumbed to his injuries and died Sunday night.
This is not my first experience with death. But something changes when you inadvertently have a hand in the death. Yes, this would have happened whether I was on the train or not, but I can’t stop reliving the moment. I’m still so shaken up, and I’ve been pretty anxious the past couple of days because of it. I’ll be fine, but it’s something that has happened now and is going to have an effect on my life.
I guess the basic sum up of this is that things have been weird, but okay. Aside from the train incident, I can’t complain much. I wish I had more time to write, because I miss writing for myself instead of for my professors, but hopefully, I’ll be able to write more as I get more breaks from class.
Make sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram (@liz_zarb) for more frequent updates, and I’ll be back on ZarbMusing as soon as possible.