A Pride Themed Stream-of-Consciousness

When I was 14, I told my then-best friend that I might like girls
And her response was to look at me,
Straighten her back,
And say “that’s disgusting.”
I learned to keep those thoughts to myself.

At 8 years old,
Yes, eight,
I remember looking at my now-best friend
And wanting to kiss her.
I learned that it’s never “too young” to talk to your kids about sexuality.

For eight years, I stared at the ceiling above my bed
And prayed for God to not make me gay.
I prayed for Him to make me “normal”
But I never heard back,
Until at 16, I heard His voice clear as day in my head say
“You’re ready.”
I came out to my mom that night.

I thought my struggle ended there until I recognized my own internal biphobia
Boiling in my stomach like acid
Threatening to come up.
Sure, girls were fun to kiss, but I couldn’t date one, right?
Surely it was perverse,
I was meant to be with boys.
I had accepted the label of “bisexual” without accepting the actual sexuality.

But to the girl who made me realize I could fall for girls,
I am forever in your debt.

When I was 14, I was told it was disgusting for me to like girls,
But at 21 I know that it’s something profoundly beautiful.

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